Here it is, the story that made my name. This story was the longest one posted on the Tokyopop website. It stayed in the top twenty for over a year and even attracted the antention of Stu Levy, the CEO of Tokyopop himself. It granted me the title of God Of Fiction and won me universal accolade.
Personally, I hate it.
Truthfully, I've come a long way since I started Amy-chan nearly three years ago. My writing skills have increased tremendously. Every time I glance at Amy-chan I wince inwardly at how proud I once was of it.
But, after far too long, I've finally gotten up the courage to rewrite it completely. It won't be easy, but it's something that has to be done. From now on, every Monday I will post one small portion of this epic-length novel. If you have any thoughts, good or bad, praising or criticising, please share them with me.
The ninja entered the complex in the dead of night. He had snuck past the guards with ease. He entered via the ventilation ducts, being sure to make minimal noise. After five minutes of careful crawling he reached the elevator shaft. He pulled a small device out of his backpack and clipped it onto the elevator cable. He pulled himself out of the vent and hung in mid-air for a second before starting his ascent.
It was not long before he reached the required floor. He pressed his feet against the walls and let the magnetic pads hold him in place while he crow-barred the door open. He quickly and stealthily ran down the corridor, his blade at the ready lest he run afoul of security.
He reached his target, lab number 5, without incident. He pulled a pair of lock picks from his backpack and used them to enter. He immediately spotted his target on a table in the middle of the room. He ran over to it and looked it over. It was a plastic box with a tiny radar dish on the top. Hard to believe this device could scramble all missile guidance systems the world over. He hastily pulled a screwdriver out of his backpack and set to work removing the casing. The inside was empty, which came as a bit of a shock to the ninja.
A hidden door at the other end of the laboratory opened and a man-sized squirrel in a lab coat stepped through it.
“Well hello!” He said, opening his arms wide as if welcoming the ninja, “You must be Heartman. I’ve heard so much about you. You’ve been rather a naughty little human haven’t you? How many of my labs have you destroyed now? Sixteen, seventeen?”
“Twenty-four, but who’s counting? Nice little trap you’ve got here. You seem to have made an oversight though.”
“Oh really? Please, do enlighten me.”
“There’s nothing to stop me from killing you.”
Heartman drew his katana from its’ sheath and charged toward the squirrel-person, but before he reached him he slammed into an energy wall.
“You don’t think I’d be dumb enough to give you a shot at me did you? No, that wouldn’t do at all. Instead I’m going to watch while my little pet makes a meal out of you. Say hello to Nibbles.”
The squirrel-person pulled a remote control out of his coat pocket and pressed one of the myriad of buttons on it. The wall directly behind Heartman opened with a grinding sound. Out of the darkness stepped the scariest creature Heartman had ever seen in his life. It was a squirrel, but no ordinary squirrel, for it was as large as an Indian Elephant. This great monstrosity of a creature roared like a lion and lunged at Heartman.
Heartman barrel-rolled out of the way barely in time as Nibbles clawed at his back. Heartman rose to his feet and stared the beast in the eye. He silently reached for his katana, only to realise it wasn’t there. He had lost his grip on it when he dodged Nibbles’ first charge. He spotted it lying next to Nibbles’ right foot-paw.
“Okay, it looks like I’m going to have to do this the hard way.” Heartman said to himself as he drew his wakizashi, a katana-like dagger. Gripping it tightly he crouched into a squatting position. Nibbles, seeing that his prey had seemingly become smaller, lunged once more. The ninja leapt straight up into the air. He did a somersault as Nibbles’ head passed under him, taking the opportunity to slash with his weapon before landing behind the creature.
Nibbles recovered quickly and spun round, but the ninja had retrieved his katana. Nibbles was unimpressed however and lunged forward once more. This time though he anticipated the ninjas’ leap and caught his leg with his teeth. Nibbles clenched the ninjas’ leg tightly and slammed him against the ground. Several of the ninjas’ ribs broke upon impact along with the leg he was being gripped by. Nibbles flung the ninja across the room.
Heartmans’ vision began to blur as Nibbles closed the gap between them. He reached for his katana but it had landed out of reach.
Just before Nibbles attacked a hail of bullets shattered all of the windows. A small, furry figure smashed through the remains and rolled along the floor. After it stopped rolling it stood up to reveal its true identity. It was a five-foot-six orange catgirl dressed in a schoolgirls’ uniform. It also had hold of a gun slightly larger than itself.
“Hi boss. How’s things?” She asked with a cheeky grin.
“Oh, can’t complain really, I just happen to have a monstrous squirrel trying to eat me.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll deal with him.” The catgirl replied, lining Nibbles up in her sights. She flicked a switch on the side of her gun and pulled the trigger. A very bright blue laser beam fired out of the gun, vaporising all it touched, which included large portions of Nibbles’ torso. Unsurprisingly, Nibbles crashed to the ground, dead as a doornail.
“Now I feel bad. He was kinda cute really.”
“Amy-chan, as thankful as I am that you saved me, why are you here? I told you to wait by the plane.”
"No, YOU asked me to wait with the plane. I never left it for a second".
"Then where is my plane?"
"Um, well, the thing is. How can I put this? I was with the plane but I got bored and so I got in the plane and I started flying it around when some squirrels with parachutes started shooting at me so I flew straight through them and they all got caught in the engines and it started to choke up so I had to grab my stuff and bail but I saw you in trouble and I started shooting so I lost track of the plane and I'm really sorry and can you ever forgive me I'll never do it again I promise."
"So in other words, you crashed my plane?"
"Kinda."
“Do you have any idea how much that plane cost me?”
“I’ll pay you back.”
“Nevermind. I’m sure I’ll get over it. But just one more thing.”
“Yeah boss?”
“Do you have any ideas how we’re going to get home?” Heartman asked as he stared out of the hole towards the vastness of the Sahara desert.
Amy-chan cocked her head to the side and scratched her chin. “Maybe we could hitch-hike?”
Personally, I hate it.
Truthfully, I've come a long way since I started Amy-chan nearly three years ago. My writing skills have increased tremendously. Every time I glance at Amy-chan I wince inwardly at how proud I once was of it.
But, after far too long, I've finally gotten up the courage to rewrite it completely. It won't be easy, but it's something that has to be done. From now on, every Monday I will post one small portion of this epic-length novel. If you have any thoughts, good or bad, praising or criticising, please share them with me.
The ninja entered the complex in the dead of night. He had snuck past the guards with ease. He entered via the ventilation ducts, being sure to make minimal noise. After five minutes of careful crawling he reached the elevator shaft. He pulled a small device out of his backpack and clipped it onto the elevator cable. He pulled himself out of the vent and hung in mid-air for a second before starting his ascent.
It was not long before he reached the required floor. He pressed his feet against the walls and let the magnetic pads hold him in place while he crow-barred the door open. He quickly and stealthily ran down the corridor, his blade at the ready lest he run afoul of security.
He reached his target, lab number 5, without incident. He pulled a pair of lock picks from his backpack and used them to enter. He immediately spotted his target on a table in the middle of the room. He ran over to it and looked it over. It was a plastic box with a tiny radar dish on the top. Hard to believe this device could scramble all missile guidance systems the world over. He hastily pulled a screwdriver out of his backpack and set to work removing the casing. The inside was empty, which came as a bit of a shock to the ninja.
A hidden door at the other end of the laboratory opened and a man-sized squirrel in a lab coat stepped through it.
“Well hello!” He said, opening his arms wide as if welcoming the ninja, “You must be Heartman. I’ve heard so much about you. You’ve been rather a naughty little human haven’t you? How many of my labs have you destroyed now? Sixteen, seventeen?”
“Twenty-four, but who’s counting? Nice little trap you’ve got here. You seem to have made an oversight though.”
“Oh really? Please, do enlighten me.”
“There’s nothing to stop me from killing you.”
Heartman drew his katana from its’ sheath and charged toward the squirrel-person, but before he reached him he slammed into an energy wall.
“You don’t think I’d be dumb enough to give you a shot at me did you? No, that wouldn’t do at all. Instead I’m going to watch while my little pet makes a meal out of you. Say hello to Nibbles.”
The squirrel-person pulled a remote control out of his coat pocket and pressed one of the myriad of buttons on it. The wall directly behind Heartman opened with a grinding sound. Out of the darkness stepped the scariest creature Heartman had ever seen in his life. It was a squirrel, but no ordinary squirrel, for it was as large as an Indian Elephant. This great monstrosity of a creature roared like a lion and lunged at Heartman.
Heartman barrel-rolled out of the way barely in time as Nibbles clawed at his back. Heartman rose to his feet and stared the beast in the eye. He silently reached for his katana, only to realise it wasn’t there. He had lost his grip on it when he dodged Nibbles’ first charge. He spotted it lying next to Nibbles’ right foot-paw.
“Okay, it looks like I’m going to have to do this the hard way.” Heartman said to himself as he drew his wakizashi, a katana-like dagger. Gripping it tightly he crouched into a squatting position. Nibbles, seeing that his prey had seemingly become smaller, lunged once more. The ninja leapt straight up into the air. He did a somersault as Nibbles’ head passed under him, taking the opportunity to slash with his weapon before landing behind the creature.
Nibbles recovered quickly and spun round, but the ninja had retrieved his katana. Nibbles was unimpressed however and lunged forward once more. This time though he anticipated the ninjas’ leap and caught his leg with his teeth. Nibbles clenched the ninjas’ leg tightly and slammed him against the ground. Several of the ninjas’ ribs broke upon impact along with the leg he was being gripped by. Nibbles flung the ninja across the room.
Heartmans’ vision began to blur as Nibbles closed the gap between them. He reached for his katana but it had landed out of reach.
Just before Nibbles attacked a hail of bullets shattered all of the windows. A small, furry figure smashed through the remains and rolled along the floor. After it stopped rolling it stood up to reveal its true identity. It was a five-foot-six orange catgirl dressed in a schoolgirls’ uniform. It also had hold of a gun slightly larger than itself.
“Hi boss. How’s things?” She asked with a cheeky grin.
“Oh, can’t complain really, I just happen to have a monstrous squirrel trying to eat me.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll deal with him.” The catgirl replied, lining Nibbles up in her sights. She flicked a switch on the side of her gun and pulled the trigger. A very bright blue laser beam fired out of the gun, vaporising all it touched, which included large portions of Nibbles’ torso. Unsurprisingly, Nibbles crashed to the ground, dead as a doornail.
“Now I feel bad. He was kinda cute really.”
“Amy-chan, as thankful as I am that you saved me, why are you here? I told you to wait by the plane.”
"No, YOU asked me to wait with the plane. I never left it for a second".
"Then where is my plane?"
"Um, well, the thing is. How can I put this? I was with the plane but I got bored and so I got in the plane and I started flying it around when some squirrels with parachutes started shooting at me so I flew straight through them and they all got caught in the engines and it started to choke up so I had to grab my stuff and bail but I saw you in trouble and I started shooting so I lost track of the plane and I'm really sorry and can you ever forgive me I'll never do it again I promise."
"So in other words, you crashed my plane?"
"Kinda."
“Do you have any idea how much that plane cost me?”
“I’ll pay you back.”
“Nevermind. I’m sure I’ll get over it. But just one more thing.”
“Yeah boss?”
“Do you have any ideas how we’re going to get home?” Heartman asked as he stared out of the hole towards the vastness of the Sahara desert.
Amy-chan cocked her head to the side and scratched her chin. “Maybe we could hitch-hike?”
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